That ferret changed my life….one cup at a time

That ferret changed my life….one cup at a time

by

L.T. Force, Ph.D.

Gerontologist

I was in conversation with a friend the other day. We were having coffee and he asked: “how do you take your coffee?”.  I said” “I drink my coffee black - no milk or sugar”. And as I answered his question - I was flooded with memories - because that is not the way I always drank my coffee. I shared with my friend the experience of how I began to drink my coffee black.

Years ago, I took a job as a Psychologist in a NY State Institution. This facility was in a rural section of upstate NY. The individuals that lived there were either diagnosed as Intellectually Disabled (the nomenclature of the day was Mental Retardation) or Dually- Diagnosed, I.e. addressing an Intellectual Disability coupled with a Psychiatric diagnosis. The facility had a capacity for 5,000 patients and was presently providing institutional care for about 3,000 individuals.

When I was hired for this position, I was asked if there was a particular age group that I would like to work with?  Because of my previous experience as the Director of a Medical Model Adult Day Care Program for persons with Alzheimer’s disease - I said I would like to work with older adults - a geriatric population. I remember my first day in the building were I was assigned as a Psychologist. It was around noon time and I walked into the bathroom - locked the door - and began to ask myself: “What are you doing here?”. That morning alone, I saw things that I had never seen before. On the back units, I saw individuals who were so psychiatrically involved. I heard noises that I had never been exposed to. I was witnessing some individuals who were hard at work in self-abusive or self-injurious behavior and then there was the overarching smells permeating through the air, i.e., a stench of urine and feces. It was overwhelming. As I settled into this building and the daily rhythm of expectations - it became easier to deal with.

On one of the units, I was introduced to Bella (a pseudonym). Bella was an 82 year old female who lived in this building for over 40 years. Bella was friendly and engaging. Bella was also blind.

One day, the Social Worker approached me and asked if I would be willing to go on a day-trip with her and Bella. Bella had a brother (a farmer) - who lived in a northern neighboring county and Bella and he had not visited each other in over 20 years. The next week,  the 3 of us began our 11/2 hour drive to her brother’s house.

I remember when we arrived at his dirt driveway. This was unfamiliar to be - as I grew up in Westchester County, NY - and there weren’t many dirt roads that I had been exposed to. When we arrived at his mobile home at the end of the driveway - Bella and her brother embraced and hugged each other - as they were so glad to reconnect. As we looked around his farm - he said: “let’s go inside and have some coffee”. So the four of us entered his kitchen and sat down at the table. Her brother was very sociable - and asked me: “Doc, would you like a cup of coffee. I said Yes. And then he asked me: What do you take in your coffee? I said: “Milk and two sugars”. He brought coffee to the table for all of us. And then we had a nice conversation, as Bella and her brother were reminiscing about earlier days. As I was sitting at the table - I began to look around at the kitchen. And what I noticed is that Bella’s brother had: “live ferrets in locked cages on top of his cabinets”. (As I tell my students: “Never forget, not all families look like yours - and don’t be judgmental”. Following my own advice (as I don’t have ferrets in locked cages in my kitchen) - I just continued to enjoy my coffee and reengage in the ongoing conversation.

As I finished the coffee in my cup - what caught my eye - was that there was something at the bottom of my coffee cup - I noticed that the sugars had not completely dissolved and there was a large clump of ferret hair attached to the undissolved sugar. I gently put my cup down on the table. Bella’s brother then said: “Doc, would you like another cup of coffee?”. I said to him: “No, Im good - but Thanks anyway”. We sat another hour with my “infamous coffee cup” sitting on the table. We then began to leave - Thanked him for his hospitality - left the mobile home - and never-ever had milk and sugar in my coffee again. To this day, I drink my coffee black.

As I tell my students, in working with individuals and families you will see things, hear things and smell things that will be very foreign to you - and will change your life forever - but you never ‘fall off of the chair’”. I lived that lesson that day….and learned from it:

"That ferret changed my life….one cup at a time”.