The 8-R’s: Resign, Reflect, Rejuvenate, Refocus, Relaunch, Rebrand, Refresh and Repeat.
Tips for Interpersonal Survival. The 8-R’s: Resign, Reflect, Rejuvenate, Refocus, Relaunch, Rebrand, Refresh and Repeat.
L.T. Force, Ph.D.
People are living longer - that is a proven fact. Today, in the United States the fastest growing demographics are people living over 100 years of age. This increase in longevity provides us with the opportunity to live and explore the “multiple-selves” within each of us. Think about it - who we were in our 20’s, our 30’s, our 40’s, our 50’s, our 60’s, our 70’s, our 80’s, our 90’s and beyond….changes across time.
(Interesting Point: In the field of Gerontology a basic question is: “Do people change or do people they remain the same across time?” The answer is: “we do both - parts of us change…. we are not the same person we were in 3rd grade…. but our foundational personality constructs, i.e., styles of introversion, extroversion and neuroticism remain the same”.
During our lifespan our interests, our focus, our intentions and our tolerance-levels shift….it’s a form of growth….a form of being adaptable and a form of self-preservation. Simply put, what you would accept and engage with in the early parts of your life - you may not find enjoyable, acceptable or have tolerance for in the latter part of your life. Think about it, for the most part, the concerns we have….the things we think about - the things that we focus on - the things that we ruminate about - are generated more from our: “interpersonal- exchanges” where conflict, turbulence and disconnect usually arises when engaging with others across time” - “like a set of tangled wires” (for example, at times), our interactions with family members, friends, work colleagues, community members….etc.).
Is it possible the “self-care” and ”the self-awareness industry” have missed the mark? Maybe the need is really: “not placing an emphasis on changing ourselves” but rather “placing an emphasis on changing the interactions we have with others: where most of our conflict, turmoil and discomfort arises”, thereby, maybe we need to refocus our intentions, energy and emphasis from focusing on an “internal change” to focusing on an “external change”….where the differences and difficulties reside….to let others know: (by our words, by our silence, by our actions, by our inactions, by our presence and by us disconnecting) new boundaries have arrived. Although not an easy task, and this may require a lot of practice, but with the establishment of new: “interpersonal-exchange boundaries” is where you will find that strength, courage, dignity, growth and self-worth live.
Basic question: Is there a solution, a guide, a compass for the roadway ahead, i.e., the resetting of: “Interpersonal-Exchanges and Boundaries” that could work for you? I think so.
I believe the strategies found in the 8-R’s can help guide the way:
Tips for Interpersonal Survival: The 8-R’s: Resign, Reflect, Rejuvenate, Refocus, Relaunch, Rebrand, Refresh and Repeat.
Resign: Your own “internal voice” is letting you know….quite clearly: “the tone of this interpersonal-exchange is no longer acceptable or tolerable for me”. Therefore, I am “resigning from this interpersonal-exchange….and I am ‘resigning now”. In other words: “I have had enough….this no longer feels good….this is no longer working for me….and if I continue with this interpersonal-exchange - it feels like a form of “self-sabotage”…. it is no longer acceptable, therefore, for my own benefit I need to “resign” from this: “interpersonal-exchange”.
Reflect: The “action of resigning” is not an easy decision to arrive at, nor is it easy to implement. It occurs over a period of time…. it is based upon review and internal dialogue….this: “path of reflection has lead to the action of resigning”. (You will know when it’s time to “resign” from an interpersonal-exchange. First, you feel it in your gut, then you feel it in your heart and then you feel it in your brain….and then you feel it all over your body and mind….you’ll know when the time has arrived….and typically it arises when respect, validation and appreciation are no longer present.)
Rejuvenate: Once you have arrived at the decision to: “resign from participating in this interpersonal-exchange” you will feel a true sense of relief, freedom and an increase in your own self-worth….it is like someone has: “opened the windows and let fresh air into the room”.
Refocus: This time is: “now yours to refocus on how you want to move forward….where you want to focus your time and energy….the days of feeling: captured, stifled, mistreated, dismissed and non-appreciated are over”.
Relaunch: Now is the time to have the: “lessons learned” help guide you forward. “New strategies” will help you set: “new boundaries of what is acceptable, enjoyable and tolerable for you, i.e., what works for you….what makes you feel good,appreciated and validated”.
Rebrand: Through this experience: “you come to terms with what is ‘acceptable and tolerable for you’ as it relates to ‘your tolerance and acceptability’ associated with an interpersonal-exchange. This is your opportunity for you to establish new expectations, new limits, new interests, new settings and new boundaries”.
Refresh: “People are work!”. Creating healthy interpersonal-exchanges, i.e., setting new boundaries that are mutually beneficial for all….can be emotionally, physically and psychologically draining….but it is worth the energy invested in you….you are worth the energy you invest in yourself. It is now time for you to relax, stay in the moment, exhale, rest and refresh….and give yourself credit for taking ownership of : “investing in you and your own self-worth”.
Repeat: “The dynamics of interpersonal-relationships across life are fluid and forever changing….and at times will repeat themselves. The reestablishment of boundaries is work and requires practice. Relish the moment, acknowledge your success, the energy you have invested in your own happiness and sense of self-appreciation is such a valuable gift to you ….and be vigilant….in case it is required for you to repeat this process….and it might be”.
The resetting of: “interpersonal-exchange relationship boundaries” requires time, work, practice and effort….however, it’s worth it…. and it’s never over.
I write this not only for you….I also write this for me. I feel better already….now it’s time to follow my own advice….”untangle the wires” and integrate the 8-R’s into my own life.
I’m worth it….and so are you!