“Families when they work…. they really work….and when they don’t work they really….”

“Families when they work – they really work and when they don’t work they really….”

by

L.T. Force, Ph.D.

Gerontologist

What we know in our field -  is that all families are unique. We also know, “all behaviors occur within a family system”. When individuals arrive for psychotherapy appointments - it is a guarantee - the role and history of their family will be explored.

In one of my undergraduate classes, I ask students to construct: “ a 3-generation Family Genogram”: (https://venngage.com/blog/genogram-definition/). The purpose is to explore patterns, traditions and practices of your own family on a variety of levels, i.e., psychological, emotional, health conditions….etc. The other purpose of the assignment is to provide students with the experience of: “reviewing and talking about your own family”. As therapists, we ask our clients to: “tell me about your family….describe who is who”. And while the client is sitting there reviewing and providing this description of their family - we sit there as Therapists listening and taking notes. I want students to understand, for many, “it’s not easy to talk about families - especially your own family system”.

As I tell my students, “not all families look like yours”. “Every family system has a currency; every family system has traditions, secrets, emotional exchanges, rituals, touch patterns, humor….etc.”. Every family system is unique. In this class assignment, beyond constructing a 3-generation template - I ask students to submit a paper outlining 5-constructs (patterns…etc.) present in their own family. However, I tell them if their paper only reflects negative aspects of their family system - I will return the paper to them ungraded. “Because every family has strengths, as well.” Therefore, in identifying the 5-constructs, they need to focus on the strengths present in their family….not just the negative aspects.

As I tell my students, I have a personal and clinical belief - based upon my life and my practice experience that for me: “if a family looks to good,,,,it probably isn’t….because as individuals and as families: we all have stuff…. it’s part of the human condition”.

The beauty found in American Psychology - if you are having difficulty or struggle in your own life as an adult you are provided the opportunity: “to turn around and lay blame on your parents for things that are going wrong in your own life….the only problem is - when you become a parent yourself and you start to get blamed for things you didn’t even know you had anything to do with. It truly is an interesting paradox of human behavior”.

In summary, like the multiple fruit and nut images found in the bowls above …. all families consist of different sizes and shapes….every family is unique and families when they work….they really work…. and when they don’t work they really….”