Personal Contradictions: They Are Part Of Our Blood Stream

Personal Contradictions: They Are Part Of Our Blood Stream

by

L.T. Force, Ph.D.

Gerontologist

Introduction

Contradiction is a word that makes most people shift uncomfortably in their seats. It conjures up images of moral failure — of someone saying one thing while doing another. But in reality, contradiction isn’t confined to the politician caught in a lie, the preacher who breaks his own rules, or the friend who offers advice they can’t follow themselves.The truth is simpler, and more unsettling: contradictions live in all of us.We live in the tension between what we believe and what we do, between what we aspire to be and what we actually are. That tension — that misalignment — is not proof of our corruption. It’s proof of our humanity.

Reflection

I’ll be honest — I’ve seen personal contradictions up close.Not just in others. In myself.As a professional, I’ve spent decades teaching about self-awareness, balance, and emotional regulation. I’ve guided caregivers to find rest, and I’ve told countless students to slow down, breathe, and not let stress consume them. Yet, there have been nights when I’ve found myself staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., unable to quiet my own mind — giving advice I hadn’t yet managed to live.That’s contradiction. But it’s also honesty.In my personal life, I’ve told family and friends the importance of forgiveness — and yet there have been moments when I’ve carried my own private resentments far longer than I should have. I’ve encouraged others to “stay in the moment,” but have caught myself replaying old regrets or rehearsing conversations that will never happen.Professionally, I’ve spoken about the necessity of boundaries, of self-care, of not overextending oneself. And yet, there I’ve been — answering emails at midnight, taking one more call, saying yes when my body and spirit were whispering no.It’s humbling, isn’t it?We all walk around with contradictions stitched into our daily lives. The physician who smokes. The therapist who skips therapy. The teacher who loses patience. The parent who demands honesty while hiding their own pain.And this is where the deeper truth emerges: contradictions aren’t  necessarily moral weakness — it’s evidence that we are all caught in the process of becoming.

Insight

Contradiction, in its most human form, is not malicious deceit — it’s the collision of ideals and limitations.Every time we fail to live up to our stated values, the world holds up a mirror. The reflection can sting, but it’s one of our greatest teachers. It shows us where our growth still lives.When I was directing community programs for caregivers, I saw this all the time. Families who promised, “I’ll never place Mom in a facility,” only to reach a point where exhaustion and love intertwined — and they had to make that very decision. They felt guilt, shame, and hypocrisy. But I saw something else: compassion and realism coexisting. Love meeting limitation. Humanity at work.In the therapy room, contradiction shows up as the client who preaches self-love while practicing self-doubt, who forgives others but refuses to forgive themselves. And I’ve come to realize that this contradiction is not failure — it’s evidence of awareness. You can’t be hypocritical about something you don’t care about. The very act of contradiction shows that the value still holds meaning.

Personal and Professional Crossroads

Over the years, I’ve learned that the challenge is not to eliminate personal contradictions — it’s to recognize them, to sit with them, and to let them refine us.As a gerontologist, I’ve met older adults who’ve reached their 80s and 90s with the courage to say, “I didn’t always live the way I wanted to live — but I’m still learning.” That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.I remember one man in his 70s who told me, “Doc, I used to tell my kids to slow down, but I was the one running.” He smiled. “Now that I’ve slowed down, I finally understand what I was telling them all along.”That’s the arc of growth. That’s the reconciliation between belief and behavior that defines a life well-lived.

Takeaway

Personal contradictions are not the end of integrity — it’s often the beginning of it.

To confront our inconsistencies is to acknowledge that we’re still alive, still capable of self-examination, still willing to do better tomorrow than we did today.We are, each of us, walking paradoxes — compassionate and selfish, wise and foolish, generous and guarded. To be human is to hold all of these truths at once.So the next time you catch yourself saying one thing and doing another, resist the impulse to shame yourself. Instead, see it as a signal — a chance to close the gap between your words and your actions.We don’t overcome personal contradictions by pretending they don’t exist. We overcome them by owning them, understanding them, and using them to propel us toward authenticity.And maybe that’s the most honest thing any of us can do….rather than pointing arrows at others….admitting: “that sounds like me too”.