Excuse Me, Are You Talking to Me?: Self-Talk

Excuse Me, Are You Talking to Me?: Self-Talk

by

L. T. Force, Ph.D.

Gerontologist

Excuse me, are you talking to me?It is a simple question. Yet it may be one of the most important questions we ever ask ourselves.There is nobody in our lives who talks to us more than we do….and the things we say to ourselves we would never allow anyone else say to us. From the moment we wake up until the moment we fall asleep, there is an ongoing conversation taking place inside our minds. Whether we realize it or not, that conversation influences our emotions, decisions, relationships, confidence, resilience, and overall quality of life. Many people spend years trying to change their behavior without ever examining the conversation driving that behavior. They want healthier relationships, greater confidence, less stress, more purpose, and more fulfillment. Yet they overlook one of the most powerful influences in their lives: their own self-talk. As both a Practitioiner and a human being, I have become increasingly convinced that many people carry around an internal critic that has become so familiar they mistake it for truth.The voice says:'You're not good enough.''You'll never change.''You always mess things up.''It's too late.'

Over time, those messages stop sounding like opinions and start sounding like facts.As stated, the irony is that most of us would never allow another person to speak to us the way we speak to ourselves. We would not tolerate someone constantly criticizing us, reminding us of every mistake, or questioning our worth. Yet many people tolerate that treatment from themselves every day.Aging is not simply a biological process. It is a psychological, emotional, relational, and spiritual journey. One of the greatest opportunities that comes with aging is becoming intentional about the conversations we have with ourselves.If you want to change your life, you must eventually change the language shaping your life.

This is where kindness enters the picture.There is substantial psychological evidence demonstrating the power of kindness. Kindness improves emotional well-being, strengthens relationships, reduces stress, increases resilience, and contributes to overall health. We understand its importance in our relationships with others.Yet many people fail to apply kindness inward. In fact, kindness doesn’t begin with an action towards others….it begins with a thought that we deliver to ourselves.We can be patient with others but impatient with themselves. Compassionate toward others but harsh toward ourselves. Forgiving of others but unforgiving toward ourselves.

The truth is simple: if kindness is going to become part of your personality and identity, it must first become part of your self-talk. Kindness begins at home…..with the internal dialogue.And home is inside your own mind.The first step toward changing self-talk is awareness. Begin listening. Notice what you say after a mistake. Pay attention to how you respond to disappointment. Observe your inner dialogue.

Are you coaching yourself or condemning yourself? Awareness creates choice. Choice creates change.The second step is intentional replacement. Replace:'I failed.' with 'I learned.''I'm too old.' with 'I still have something valuable to contribute.''I'm not enough.' with 'I am still growing.'Small shifts in language often produce profound shifts in thinking and behavior. And profound shifts in thinking produce meaningful changes in behavior.

For many, we often remind people that life is still unfolding. There is still purpose ahead. There is still growth ahead. There is still contribution ahead. There is still meaning ahead. But it is difficult to move toward possibility when your internal dialogue constantly pulls you backward. The voice inside matters because you are always listening.Your mind is listening.Your emotions are listening.Your body is listening.Your spirit is listening. Every repeated thought becomes a message. Every repeated message becomes a belief. Every belief influences behavior. Perhaps that is why self-kindness is not weakness. It is wisdom.

As we continue our journey, perhaps we need to ask ourselves:Excuse me, are you talking to me?And if the answer is yes, then perhaps the next question should be:Are you speaking with kindness? Because if we truly want to become kinder, the journey begins not with what we say to others. It begins with what we say to ourselves.

Age Loudly® Reflection: Aging Loudly is about becoming more intentional, more aware, more compassionate, and more authentic.The conversation inside your mind matters.Choose your words carefully.You are listening.

Age Loudly®Age Like It Matters… Because It Does.

___________

*   AgeLoudly! a philosophy of thought and action that applies at every stage of life and development.  AgeLoudly! is about living intentionally, visibly, and with purpose. It is the belief that each stage of life presents an opportunity to grow, to contribute, and to refine the person we are becoming.When individuals adopt an AgeLoudly! mindset, they begin to see their experiences — both successes and failures — as material for growth rather than evidence of limitation. This shift can be profoundly empowering. It reframes challenges as invitations, transitions as opportunities, and life itself as a process of continued expansion rather than decline.

“AgeLoudly!: Age Like it Matters….Because it Does!”