“A + B = C …. it always does"




“A + B = C….it always does”

by

L. T. Force, Ph.D.

Gerontologist

Algorithms and formulas are always constant….numbers never lie…A + B is always equal to C.

This paradigm holds true in the mathematical world. However, in the realm of the human condition things change…. things fluctuate. Yes, A + B does = C, however, the changes are found in: "what constitutes the value of each of these variables".

Over the last few Blog Posts - I have been writing and giving witness to - various components found within our behavioral patterns, the rhythms and cycles of life - two in particular , i.e., the ”weaponizing of guilt” and the “shield of arrogance. “A + B = C….it always does”. As I was thinking about and - planning this writing - I was going to talk about the presence of: “A + B = C….it always does” In fact, 1 had worked out the formula: A (Anger) + B (Bitterness) = C (Contempt). In that framework, I was going to write about individuals who love to wear the: “Anger and Bitterness Garb”. You can see it ….you can see it in their facial expressions, you can see it in their affect….you can see it in their heart….you can feel it from both near and afar. These individuals, have a tendency to weave the two constructs (anger and bitterness) together and it presents itself as Contempt. Is it their only calling card? No, however it seems to be a predominant calling card. I feel sad for these people - I have learned to treat them like ”kryptonite” - I intentionally remove myself from their presence and range….I silence their voice in my own head. I have found myself getting better at this - sometimes it’s a "rapid disconnect" for me….sometimes it’s a "gradual disconnect". In fact, I don't find myself "moving towards" these individuals....I find myself "moving away" from them. Regardless of the speed - it’s a form of self-preservation.

However, the more I thought about that relationship of "anger and bitterness in relation to contempt". I realized that it wasn’t only an “overt behavior of theater” these individuals presented....but it was also a “reflection of how they feel internally about themselves”. In fact, you can’t: “mirror something on the outside” unless it “resonates on the inside”. And as I continued to think about that behavior pattern - it hit me - I need to convert my own perception - so instead of looking at the deficits or faults associated with the behavior of others and the interactions - I need to focus on the positive aspects. I came to the realization: “if you look for the good and strengths in others - it will become a reflection.... and you will find the good and strength in yourself, as well”.

In following my own advice, I have now "reframed the formula of A + B= C" - but now I have inserted a powerful and empowering perspective - where, (A) = Acceptance + (B) = Belief and (C) = Contentment. Isn’t that what we are all striving for - the ability “to cruise emotionally", to "achieve a sense of serenity" and not be the victims of the: “incoming negative missiles of others?” As I tell my students who are entering the clinical practice world: “people are typically seeking us out in our helping profession - because things aren’t going well in their life….and you are going to be hearing things and witnessing things that will profoundly affect you….and the most important thing is to be able to take care of yourself “. For me, by shifting my lens…. I am taking care of myself - I am following my own advice. "By looking for the strength in others - I will find it in myself". So, as you can see A + B=C….it always does. It is up to me…it’s up to you - what values those alphabetic symbols will hold. It is "the balance of motion, perception and interpretation of others both internally and externally that will set the stage". Because we are always looking for emotional and psychological balance…and just like glucose levels, automobile oil levels, room temperature readings - things fluctuate. And now the new parameter is: "the acceptance of how things are….. how others other". This attitude, and thinking, coupled with the belief that "everything passes" and "things always change", even "toxic people", will provide you with "the foundation and platform of Contentment". As I say to myself and to you, if you want to feel good….then we need to act like we do.