The Magnetism of Toxicity

L.T. Force, Ph.D.

Gerontologist

No matter how much I try - there they are! I’m not even looking for them - but there they are! Without warning, they appear….however, sometimes you can see them coming in the distance - but for the most part they just “morph” right in front of you. And who are they, you ask? The answer is, they are the: “Toxic People!”

“Toxic People” are an interesting species, unto themselves. Sometimes they travel alone. However, they also have the ability to travel in pairs and in groups. Why are they interesting? They are interesting because they don’t usually start-off with their: “Toxic Vibration”.

For the most part, they initially present themselves as benign - and at times even friendly and personable. However, what may arrive even before they show up in your “life sphere”, is their reputation. You may have heard accounts of their behavior, attitude and style - long before you meet them face-to-face. Other family members or colleagues, (Yes, "Toxic People" are found in family systems and workplace settings), give you first-hand accounts of their own dealings with these people who hail from the: “Land of Toxicity”. Initially, when you meet these individuals (“Toxic People”) you may even say to yourself : “Oh, the accounts I have heard about them seem not to be true. This person doesn’t seem to be toxic”. But stay tuned, my friends - because right before your very eyes “the metamorphosis” begins to occur. And as stated, the speed of this “metamorphosis” can be rapid or it can be a slower process - like a Train Whistle in the distant, i.e., you can’t see it yet, but you can hear it, you know it’s coming your way and lo and behold in a flash there it is….right at your Train Stop!.

So, what do we know….what can we assume? We can probably assume if the person has a “reputation of Toxicity” - they probably have earned it. For some "Toxic People” - they can’t help themselves - regardless of the setting they are in, I.e., family or work….they just appear to have this need to amplify their own sense of insecurity or inferiority - to that of a posture of authority. In their actions and words: “it’s their way or the highway”. Why this staunch and rigid posture? Well for one, they appear to not possess the powerful and insightful personality characteristic of: “empathy”. For whatever reason, they seem to lack the ability to have insight and genuine appreciation for the “other person's perspective, interests or wishes”. Like the Train moving down the track - they just stay the course and direction, without realizing or caring, that their self-centered actions are creating interpersonal disruption and confusion for others.

So, how best to interact with: “Toxic People?” I know in working with clients, it is apparent that: many individuals are plagued or captured in interpersonal exchanges with a “Toxic Person”. However, I also know that there is a relationship between how you feel about yourself and how you feel about others. Meaning, if you feel good about yourself (physically, mentally and spiritually) then you will feel better about the interpersonal relations you are in within your family system and/or your work setting. If, on the other hand, you are not feeling good about yourself (physically drained, psychologically overwhelmed and spiritually bankrupt) other people and settings in your life will have much more of a detrimental impact on the rhythm and serenity of: your day....your week.... your month....your year….your life.

Recommendations? Take better care of yourself: physical exercise, wise nutrition, mediation/prayer/reflection, hobbies and the development of personal interests and passion projects). Here is the bottom line, if you say you don’t want or you don’t like being run over by: ‘Toxic People” then act like you don’t. Turn off your “Toxic Magnet!” Get-up, get stronger, get wiser and get to the point where you have gratitude and appreciation for who and what you are - and no one - and I mean no one - "has the power to shower you with their Toxicity".

Oh, and one more thing - when their “Toxic Train” pulls into your train station….don’t get on....just pray for them....they need your support.